emphasising the negative

i realise how much the negative has taken over my life

why is it that as i continue to reflect on my life as a whole, its the bad things that stand out? I mean, there have been a lot of good things, but even they seem to be painting in darker tones than they should, and well, they are wandering around as barely recognisable extras in a cast full of charecters such as doubt, guilt, dishonesty, greed and disguise.

i imagine that this sentiment is brought on by a number of things taking place at the moment - illness, busyness, assignments hanging over my head, poor use of time. etc. but... i also realise that maybe this is just the way i have come to view the world, a way in which isnt going to change in a hurry unless i truly want it to, a way which is going to dominate until i take it off its thrown and replace it with something much more enriching and constructive.

thats not to say that we shouldnt examine the negative, we can learn from these times. but dwelling in them is less that healthy, its like letting these things fester and grow and become what they should have never been.

so, i think i shall stop moping and soaking in my own negativity and turn a new page. one of positivity. one of possibilities, not shortcomings.

lets see how this goes, and what the week is like.
i need to do my essay, paint the ceilings (2 coats), go to physio, and start eating well. so... how can these things fit into this picture... not too sure? but we'll see.

emergent story

stacey who is a part of solomon's porch sent me a link to this. a story by pbs on the emerging church in the states.

its interesting to see who they have chosen to speak to, personally i think the 3 practitioners they use are just awesome - Doug Pagitt, Tony Jones and Brian McLaren. Yet, I feel that the list may not represent where the thing is going as well as it could. These 3 guys are just amazing, and personally if I as to choose 3 americans to talk about the subject I imagine my list would probably be the same... ummm, no, I think i would include Robert Webber, who has written his ancient-future series, that really floats my boat.

But... having said that, where's Dan Kimball? If there is anyone who seems to be getting the emerging church thing off the ground in a practical way it would be him. By practical, I mean that Kimball really talks about putting things into practice, in the nitty gritty of church. Yet, I personally like the fact that he wasn't called up. why? cause i think kimball looses the point a little, dont get me wrong, i enjoyed his books and found them useful. But Minball continually refers to this idea (more implicitly than explicitly, but both) that we are to minister to a postmodern (whatever you want to call it) world. Where as, Pagitt, Kimball, Jones and Webber (in my opinion) are all about minstering in this world. Have i fallen into my own semantic trap here, I think not. What I love about the guys I just mentioned is that they realise that not only the way we do church is changing, but the way we be christians is (are?) changing. We cant just try to help those around us, when we may also be struggling.

Another individual who wasn't called up for the interview was obviously Leonard Sweet. I like Sweet, and find it interesting that he has been dropped back a bit. I think Sweet does great work, and in many ways laid the foundations for the 3 they chose to interview. Just interesting...

So, am I reading too much into this? Were Dan Kimball and Leonard Sweet off on holidays at Robert Webber's house? Quite possibly. But I basically use this a diving board to talk about some of these guys, who I think are doing great things.

Just quickly, I shall recomend some books.
Brian McLaren.
I havent read his latest, but I will soon (just been busy studying). But I can say that A New Kind of Christian changed my life, thanx again Dee for recomending it. Also the follow up The Story We Find Ourselves In is great. I think I liked it more that the original, let me reread it and then decide on that. Both these (and the 3rd one which i heavent read yet) are based around a story of 2 guys on a journey. Its good stuff. One more... More Ready than you Realize, is also a must read. On evangelism. I really enjoyed this one too (and i think all the people i bought copies for liked it too -hehehe)

Doug Pagitt
Is about to release a few more books (yay!) but for now (check out his blog for more info), Reimagining Spiritual Formation was excellent. Really like the way it is basically written by the church (not just doug). Definately a must read.

Tony Jones
I will only recomend one, which is a youth ministry book called soul shaper. he also released the sacred way, but i didnt get it cause it looks like its just a slightly different version of soul shaper. i also just noticed he has a new book out, which i will have to look into some time soon.

there you go... more on these guys later im sure. thanx again stacey.

Week 1

So, i figured the best way to set the tone of my redirection (or i guess direction) is to track some of my reflections on week one of the spiritual retreat. and just to note here, i may take more than a week, to finish one week, just depends how its going... fleixible yeah?

This week, let's go through the "photo album" of our life. Let's go back to our earliest memories. Let's let the Lord show us our lives. What "pictures" are there? With each part of my life, what "scenes" do I remember? Who are in those scenes? Some photos will be of happy times, some will be quite sad, others will be difficult to re-collect at all. They all constitute our story and the journey that has brought us to where we begin this retreat.

I wonder sometimes where it all fits in. In no way do i think we are puppets or anything like that, I just find myself constantly suprised at how life works, or doesnt. And, well... I personally see God in it, don't have a problem with others not seeing things that way, but thats the way i see my life (and probably to be honest, the lives of others).

so, i will list over the next whiel some key moments of my life - or progressing situations (as the case may be). these may not be huge, but they are the things that dwell when i think about it...

and hey, please dont judge me cause i talk about God. i imagine you would be suprised if we had a chat about it...

questions that need to be answered

What am I doing? Where is this thing going? And well… why bother. All questions that need to asked and possible answered.

I think I have had totally unrealistic expectations of my ability and time management (and motivation) to maintain an animal such as this, this animal named edgar. Others do it wonderfully, such as tamyka (you champion) and I love checking out doug pagitt’s blog (solomon’s porch) and tony jones also has some cool things to say. But… enough about others, where is edgar going?

A couple of things have inspired me of late. Some negatives, some positives. In short I think edgar will be what it will be, but there are some defining things in my life that will shape edgar.

1 – my attempts to fill people in on the details of my life are not only being met by failure, but are pointless, as I don’t think anyone really cares about my somewhat uninteresting life enough to read it. And well, its not that my life is boring, its that when its not boring I have no time to write, and when I have time to write its normally due to procrastination.

2 - on to the positives.. ive been checking out this online spiritual retreat, and its really got me thinking about things and stuff.. so, I think this may well be a good place to jot down some reflections on those bits and pieces.

3 – I feel like I have some good material at the moment for writing songs, and well, I may put some up here. May not too.

4 – reading (and rereading) some thought provoking stuff of late, so I thought this might be a good spot to put it, or more importantly my reflections on it. And possibly your reflections on those reflections.

5 - another note on spiritual stuff, is that I think God can be seen in all sorts of things. So, what ever it may be, I imagine it’s a spiritual reflection on some level… ??? possibly

I have a feeling i may get myself into trouble here, but thats ok, i think maybe i need to...